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Why do we procrastinate? There are many theories, but this is not a science article—it’s a humor article—so I won’t discuss these theories (I don't know them, either way). Procrastination is a worldwide pandemic, and it has only become easier with the invention of technologies including the …

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It begins the moment they wake up in the morning. A smile spreads across their faces; a gleam of sinister anticipation enters their eyes. “It’s almost 8:30 a.m.,” your mom and dad whisper to each other. “Time for (your name)‘s first class.” This is when the terror begins. 

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We’ve all experienced boredom in quarantine, and we have all been forced to find new ways to alleviate it. For two students living in the UMass Boston dormitory, that has meant creating a slip and slide and using it in the hallway of their dorms—keeping masks on all the while for safety, of …

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This Fall 2020 semester at Umass Boston will be conducted almost entirely on Zoom, a fact which disappoints most students- except for a select few… the slackers, the shy, the sleeper-inners. Now, we’ve all slacked off, been shy, and slept in during our lives- but some students have to be kno…

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Congratulations! You’re a brand new student at Umass Boston—full of excitement, nerves, worry, and more nerves. But there’s no need to fear, because college life is exactly like high school life. Well, it’s exactly like high school life other than the fact that your parents are gone, you hav…

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A significant part of my daily staying-at-home routine includes walking my dog—who, at age nine, is an interesting mixture of a bouncy young puppy and an ancient canine who can do no more than lie on the floor and groan. Thankfully, she still gets excited to go on walks, and it’s a refreshin…

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Ever since the COVID-19 Pandemic has forced UMass Boston to switch to virtual learning, overall class attendance has dropped. Students are now living at home, with new schedules, responsibilities, and a completely different mindset. As one sophomore put it, “It feels like we’re on summer vac…

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Quarantine can be very boring, but at the same time we all have a lot of free time on our hands to learn new things. In the past few weeks, I’ve tried learning a number of new skills: crocheting, scrapbooking, origami, professional wrestling, communicating with the “other side”, etc. … For m…

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Quarantine has given us all a lot of time to stare at our hair in the mirrors and think about the drastic ways we could change it. This week at home I joined the trend of billions, possibly trillions, of bored adolescents by deciding to dye my hair for the first time. This decision came from…

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Last week, in an attempt to get out of the house during this age of social-distancing, my parents and I went on a hike (making sure to distance ourselves from any other hikers by six feet). We were all set, with hiking sticks, books, goat-cheese sandwiches, and a blow-up inflatable caricatur…

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It’s been an interesting first week of online classes, with everyone —students, faculty, and people’s dogs—still adjusting to the change of staying home. UMass Boston professors have spent their spring break making big changes to their syllabuses and choosing the method of online teaching th…

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As fear of the coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, increases in the United States, encouraged by media reports, government statements, and memes, universities in Boston are taking new and unprecedented steps to protect their students from the spread of COVID-19. One step that made itself qu…

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Starting this fall, UMass Boston’s psychology department is introducing a new course, and it is really going to spice up your schedule. They are introducing a class about the psychological effects of children's books! It will be held on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 4 p.m. The professor, …

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All UMass Boston students and faculty are very familiar with wind. Attending a school exposed to the elements and the ocean winds on three sides comes with its fair share of challenges, including the following: standing outside, walking upright, and having hair. Lately, the wind has gotten m…

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Midterms are just around the corner for some UMass Boston students, and I decided to step out last Friday and hear straight from student’s mouths how they feel about their approaching tests. Here a few snippets from the interviews I conducted:

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When passing a person in the hallway that you know, but don’t know that well, do you wave? Do you ignore them? Do you stop and say hello? I’m talking about the guy that sits next to you in psychology, but you’ve only talked to him once when asking for a piece of paper. Or that chemistry prof…

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There is a leprechaun on the loose at UMass Boston! Please keep a hold of your loose change and anything that is shiny because it will go missing. There have been reports of pennies being taken out of tip jars, earrings being stolen out of ears, and keys off of keychains. The only evidence l…

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If you are a procrastinator, like everyone else with opposable thumbs, a brain, and a love for avant-garde heavy metal, you probably brag about it a lot; i. e. “I’m such a procrastinator… I literally waited till 3 a.m. to start my essay last night.” Procrastination is a universal epidemic, d…

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A new semester is dawning, and with new semesters come new possibilities of flirtations, relationships, and hell, you might just become a parent! My advice is to hop on Tinder, the ideal destination to find pro-procreation individuals. 

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Okay, so this might be a little crazy but there have been 6 sightings of a unicorn in Wheatley! They all describe a horse with white fur, a white mane and an iridescent horn. Another common experience with all of the incidents is that the room filled with this glittery fog that smelled like …

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It’s almost Thanksgiving—the spooookiest holiday—which means it’s time to make sure you have your perfect spooky costume ready. Although it sometimes seems like it’s impossible to come up with anything good to dress up as, I’m here to help you with tips for seven spooky costumes you might tr…

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It’s crunch time on campus, and the people are suffering. My week of intense studying looked like several 12 a.m. trips to the Market for assorted bags of foods that crunch, and a 1 a.m. re-energizing dance party that my roommate said was “disruptive” to her “sleep.” I wish luck to everyone …

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This week at Umass Boston we are beginning to feel the cold in earnest. I get goosebumps every time I walk outside, and it’s not just due to my sheer excitement for my 8 a.m.’s. Our weekly question is on this very subject; Sayre Powell asks: “How do I avoid freezing on my way to class?” Well…

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Class registration opened this past week, yet many UMass Boston students who thought they were all set got a shock when they saw the message, “Class registration currently open for Honor Students, Athletes, and UMass Amherst Students.”

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So, Halloween is over for another year. I know you’re clutching your stomach and groaning over the bag(s) of candy you consumed, but cheer up because I’m here to give you some valuable freshman advice. Every week I take a question from a UMass Boston student and answer it to the absolute bes…

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I’ve successfully completed two whole weeks of class, yet my parents don’t believe I’m in college—no matter how many times I send them pictures of my dorm room. They make jokes like: “We know you’re not actually a student; we know you got a -12 on the SAT.” I just ignore them. I still have a…

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When I was accepted into Umass Boston on a 0.3 GPA and my third genie wish, I was pretty nervous. Starting college is a big deal. I had to get used to a lot of changes when I moved here from Cowboy Boots, Tennessee: a new city, new classes, and new social standards. Apparently it’s not “norm…

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Students looking to buy their textbooks this semester are getting more of a struggle than they bargained for, as the Campus Bookstore’s shelves have been reorganized by word count.

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Wednesday, April 30—It’s official: The University of Massachusetts Boston is no more. Just a week after the sale of UMass Boston’s dining hall, Interim Chancellor Katherine Newman, UMass System President Marty Meehan and UMass Amherst’s Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy reconvened to sign a contr…

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Friday, May 3—For nursing students, the long road to graduation just got a whole lot shorter, as a mass email sent to the College of Nursing and Health Sciences students explained that, to accommodate the loss of the old Science Center, the entire student body would simply graduate at the en…

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Tuesday, April 23—When two anthropology majors here at the University of Massachusetts Boston decided to conduct their archaeology field project under Wheatley Hall, their teacher was skeptical that anything new would be found there and advised that they look elsewhere. Yet now the students …

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Wednesday, April 24—Once again, the UMass Amherst property is expanding. UMass Amherst’s last acquisition, Mount Ida College, was apparently not enough to satiate this hungry beast, and papers were signed early this morning transferring ownership of the University of Massachusetts Boston's n…

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Thursday, April 18—Students living in the East Residence Hall at the University of Massachusetts Boston have had many run-ins with elevator troubles. From dropping three stories to the doors not opening, the list went on. This past week several students reported further troubles, prompting a…

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Wednesday March 27—Sodexo chef Wilma Scotsman was able to sit down with me to talk about what goes into the meals prepared here at the University of Massachusetts Boston.

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Friday, April 19—Three hundred and fifty-two University of Massachusetts Boston students voiced outrage after receiving identical emails from the Registrar, informing them that they are no longer welcome on campus. The email cited “improper use of school facilities, more specifically, the ne…

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Let me just start by saying that I love babies. They’re great! I think that babies are really cute and fun, and I always enjoy spending time with them. But … that’s not to say that they can’t be improved. Babies are fantastic, however, like too many things in this world, imperfect; and I’m h…

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Are you Black, Latinx, Asian, queer and/or a veteran? If so, there are a host of multicultural student centers through which you can find support on campus. This center, however, is not for you.

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“The days of waiting minutes on end in the rain before squeezing into a bus full of strangers, only to arrive five minutes late to class, are over!” exclaimed Interim Chancellor Katherine Newman proudly on Friday, April 12 as she unveiled the school’s bold, new plan for student transportation.

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On April 8, 2019, The Mass Media received a tip-off from an unnamed professor who claimed they saw a boy in a hidden hallway in Wheatley Hall with a cake, lighter, candles and a birthday hat. After much investigating, it was discovered that a boy had been missing since the Spring 2017 orientation.

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Monday, April 15, 2019—In an effort to boost morale amid the contentious aftermath of the parking fee price hike, administration has established the UiMBibe shop on the ground floor of the west parking garage. The bright yellow, bodega-like structure with its plexiglass windows and crushed v…