Nursing School Graduates Early to Accommodate Loss of Science Building

Friday, May 3—For nursing students, the long road to graduation just got a whole lot shorter, as a mass email sent to the College of Nursing and Health Sciences students explained that, to accommodate the loss of the old Science Center, the entire student body would simply graduate at the end of the present semester.

“We are excited to inform you,” read the email, “that due to your position within the university, you have been selected for early graduation Spring 2019 [smiling emoji, confetti emoji, confetti emoji.]” Of note is the fact that the email was sent to the many students who were already graduating, in addition to those who will indeed be graduating early.

CNHS Dean Linda S. Thompson spoke about the decision, explaining that, “as we fretted over where to put the nursing school once the Science Center went down, it became apparent that we had no choice other than to simply set the school free. While we understand that this may not be the ideal educational model for many students, I have complete trust in the professional capabilities of our diverse student body!”

Although the initial announcement was seen by many as ambiguous in certain areas, further communication from the CNHS clarified that, as of now, not only will the entire student body graduate, but all students who subsequently enter the college will likewise be placed on an early-graduation track.

“We know that it would be irresponsible to automatically graduate all incoming nursing students without any education or standardized test whatsoever,” explained Emily McDermott, Interim Provost and Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs, “so before any new nursing student graduates, they’ll have to complete an intermediate seminar and the WPE.”

In addition to what some have called “a totally [expletive] dumb move,” the CNHS has also been criticized on their method of informing the students of their new graduation dates.

One student at the college, Poppy Rousselle, spoke to this particular issue, stating that, “While I’m bothered that I won’t get to finish my degree, I’m even more bothered by the fact that the school would send such important information to our junk mail folders. You can’t just toss this aside and hope that we find it—this isn’t USG.”

Rousselle’s friend, Nina Currie, noted, “Forget the whole junk mail folder thing; how am I supposed to learn about this when I don’t even check my school email at all?! I only ever use that thing when I’ve got one of those [expletive] professors who insists that we have to. And it’s been like two semesters since I’ve even had a professor who knew how to use any email.”

Thompson stressed in later statements that this was never meant to be a permanent solution to the nursing school’s locational problems. “Think of it like a Band-Aid, something to patch us up while we try to fix the real problem. Even though it would be easy for us to just go on like this indefinitely, we’re trying to find the space to reopen the CNHS in its more traditional form. The school needs students paying four years of tuition after all.”

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