Wednesday, April 24—Once again, the UMass Amherst property is expanding. UMass Amherst’s last acquisition, Mount Ida College, was apparently not enough to satiate this hungry beast, and papers were signed early this morning transferring ownership of the University of Massachusetts Boston's new dining hall to UMass Amherst.

UMass Amherst’s Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy spoke about the reasoning behind the purchase after the signing. “Well, with our new BostonI mean, Newton satellitecampus, we need more space to feed our students and staff,” said Subbaswamy. “Since most of our students at the Newton campus will be pursuing internships in Boston, we thought it would be prudent to create a space close to the city for them to hang out and get a bite to eat. When we saw that there was a structure already in place with decent proximity to the city, we thought, ‘why don’t we send our kids here?’ That’s when we decided to buy the dining hall and make it a part of UMass [Amherst].”

According to the contract signed by Chancellor Subbaswamy, Marty Meehan and Interim Chancellor Katherine Newman, UMass Boston students will still be allowed to use the dining hall, with some restrictions. “I’ve ensured that the back corner of the dining area, over by the trashcans, will be reserved specifically for UMass Boston students,” said Newman proudly. “It’s true, our students will not be allowed to enter UMass [Amherst]’s section of the dining area or eat any of the new gourmet food that the UMass [Amherst] students will be offered. However, I believe that the packages of ramen noodles and the rusty microwave we have provided will be more than sufficient in meeting the needs of our diverse student body.”

Meehan also voiced his support for the sale. “The location truly is perfect. The addition of the Mount Ida campus and this new dining hall will allow UMass [Amherst] students to take advantage of opportunities in the city that would have been inaccessible before. In fact, these recent purchases have convinced me that it would be an excellent idea to open a new UMass school, right here in Boston. There’s a surprising amount of infrastructure already in place around our new dining hall. It’s simply a matter of converting it into a university.”

Thanks in part to the clear vision and eager-beaver energy Meehan has brought to the table, plans are already in the works to sell the Clark Athletic Center to UMass Amherst, and to provide UMass Amherst students with fully subsidized parking passes for the West Garage. “Well, it seems unfair to charge UMass [Amherst] students for parking when that should so clearly be covered by the tuition they’ve paid, and this gymnasium will provide the perfect place for students to burn off some calories and relieve stress. I can’t wait to make this place a part of the UMass system!”

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